Mini-review: The preceding two-week hiatus has been brought to you by the World Series of Baseball, and the letters $%@! But at least after two House-less Mondays the season-defining romance and murder plots aren't resolved in this episode.

Recap: We begin with a scene of youthful fecklessness. Rockstars and teenage hussies, a band, a tale about tender underage non-loving by a pool told to giggling gossip girls, and then a little anaphylactic-looking shock. Oooh, swelling hands and feet, followed by the public pass-out. Cue credits!

When we return Wilson is trying to convince House to go to a medical conference (which, if you recall, is where they met way back when). House would prefer to cure his patient, the 16-year-old collapser. He thinks its something that sounds like Rhabdo (wikipedia gets a workout on these recaps, I have to guess on the phonetics of some odd disease). Poor Cameron disagrees and pushes for a different explanation for “credit card kid” — a fun new update of “latchkey kid” for my mocking Facebook comments. “Isn’t it annoying when everyone in the room knows something you don’t?” House blurts. Which is a pretty good conversation killer when you’re in the room with two murderous conspirators and their clueless colleague/wife?

New Flirting low for House: Calling Cuddy’s breasts “Patty and Selma,” the aunts from The Simpsons, but of course he says it’s a compliment: “They are always smoking.” Amazing that she’s resisted him this long. Anyway, turns out she’s going to the Wilson conference. Whoop!

Foreshadowing moment: Something about House watching Wilson helping a dying cancer patient is strange, it catches House’s eye in that TV drama way that says there’s more to come.

Before he changes his mind and goes to the conference, House proves the patient told her friends a pack of lies about her party night, a simple test of her alleged behaviour (Drum Legend, come on, you can’t licence the name of the real game?) proves she has something that gives her muscle paralysis. Not the Rhabdo.

The teen girls seem to have snuck into the rock party to meet a writer of a comic book and TV series. “Only Pheobe understands the Bushido of the Heel.” NERDS. They stalked him for the duration of the party, like the cool kids do. The team thinks the eating she describes points to bulimia, but when they are doing scans a few minutes later, she has no signs of that but does have a cardiac arrest due to bleeding around the heart. Boom, second act of the show, the patient gets worse!

House, meanwhile, is going to the conference very reluctantly. On the conference program: “I want to know what boredom I’m missing,”

On the scheduled 80s party: “Just when you think you’ve left Flock of Seagulls in the rearview mirror, there they are right in front of you like an undead hitchhiker.”

On wooing Cuddy: “She’s not some floozy in a bar, she’s a floozy I work for.”

What was that? Right, the patient, uh, let’s see here in the few seconds we can spare from this conference fun we learn she has blood coming out her ear. Bleeding in the brain is making her tell outrageous lies… yeah, that happens to me too.

Warning, character development alert:

House dressed as Amadeus arrives at the soiree, there’s a Rubik’s cube cake, guys dressed like Mr. T and Michael, and Cuddy dressed like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. Aw, House and Cuddy go 80s slow dancing to Cindy Lauper “Time after Time” puts everyone in the mood to talk.

Can I just say AT LAST!!! We have the founding myth of their relationship! The two remember their meeting at medical school, he did one of his scary instant reads off her syllabus (“chip on the shoulder, likes to party”) and she tracked him down to a dance. They made sweet college love, and he never called.

But wait! That’s her version, he says he wanted to, but he was kicked out of his FIRST med school the next day, so there didn’t seem much point. There’s so much origin myth in these few lines.

1. Cuddy has always thought House thought of her as a one-night stand and sex object (hence the show’s constant banter and her never taking him seriously)
2. House has allowed her to think this because he’s an emotional cripple, who actually carried a torch for her from the second time they met.


Whoah-hey! Their relationship is based on two incompatible versions of the same event, that they finally both know the other side to. Also, how many med schools did he end up going to? Tantalizingly left up in the air. Also, she walks the hell out upon learning all this.

Meanwhile it turns out Wilson is looking to give a speech on euthanasia. Remember that old man? Wilson helped him end it all. “Doctors are rarely indicted,” Wilson rationalizes. House agrees, but isn’t sure he wants his buddy to commit career suicide. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from you it’s that I should do whatever I think is right,” says Wilson.

“Yeah, worked out great for me,” House quips. Wilson delivers the only sensible comeback, walking away.

Again, medical mystery is really a third-rate preoccupation in this episode, but back on Sick Teen patrol the team does this cool lie detecting test on truth serum (sure, sure), but it was ultimately useless, she was still lying, this time about being drugged by a comic-book perv/her personal idol.

Two things happen at the conference, House drugs Wilson, tries to babysit for Cuddy, and the PI from last season, Lucas is already there. Awkward! An icky brunch conversation later seems to convince House to give up the chase on Cuddy.

House’s fight with Wilson over presenting his paper on euthanasia, which House then does under the fake name he’s been assuming at the conference. Which leads to the eureka moment. “We can’t even argue on my schedule.” He’s so checked out of this mystery he has Cameron bring in a cell phone to the hospital room to demonstrate his brilliance via conference call. At least he’s not wearing a Bluetooth headset while he golfs.

So, sick nerd has some strange hemochromatosis that was triggered by oysters, and exacerbated by blood transfusions. The teen is cured, but her parents are still distant jerks. Don’t know where that last bit came from, they sort of rushed it into the show in the last few teen scenes.

All through this episode Chase has been struggling with his awful burden: Can his marriage survive a confession of medical murder? When Chase is ready to spill the beans (he’s been set up by the previous scene in which Wilson tells House he’s a good friend for telling him it was OK to give a cancer patient the ability to OD on morphine) he goes right at it:

“We didn’t actually lose Dibala, I killed him.” This is followed by a rather long slowly drifting zoom-out shot. Trippy.


Defining scene: I really can't pull it out of the recap, but the founding myth section, where Cuddy and House realize they are actually star-crossed lovers... it's probably more revealing about people we care about than the two hours in the mental hospital that kicked off the season.

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В Принстон-Плейнсборо после горячо проведенной ночки попадает девушка-подросток с сильно опухшими придатками. Команде приходится работать с девушкой, которая упорно скрывает, что же произошло в ту ночь, когда она почувствовала недомогание. Но она чувствует себя все хуже, и начинает путаться в собственной лжи.

В это время Кадди и Уилсон посещают медицинскую конференцию по фармакологии и стратегии поведения врача. Хаус в одиночестве следует за ними, рассчитывая вне больницы достичь своей собственной цели, но все происходит далеко не так, как он рассчитывает в новой серии «Известные Неизвестные», которую увидят зрители Fox в понедельник, 9 ноября.


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